gorgeous

The difference in the sexes was obvious to me growing up.

My younger brother and I were always treated differently. I remember coming home from the park to tell my mom that there was a boy throwing sand at me. My mom’s solution, bring your brother next time to protect you. My younger/shrimpier brother that I regularly beat up was supposed to protect me. (there was the infamous lawnchair incident which required him to get stitches but I’ll save that for another entry) My young mind did not get it, in fact my old mind does not get it either. Boy things like violence, dirt, and laziness were expected of my brother, girl things like passiveness, cleanliness, and responsibility were expected of me. And this was the 70’s! The feminist movement was at it’s peak! Surely we’ve come a long way since then. Or so I thought until I had my girl. Of course there was the obvious, namely the piles of pink and frills that gifters brought, I’m neither a fan of pink nor of frills so the gifts always came with apologies addressed to me, though they were really unnecessary. I will obligingly dress her in pink and all the frills that’ll fit on her little frame, just as I dressed my son in overalls and racecar motifs. My issue is with how my newborn son was addressed compared to how my newborn daughter is addressed. If it was one person that said it, I would not have noticed, but it has to have been about 10 to 20 friends and family who upon meeting her for the first time have said,

“She’s gorgeous.”

Which of course she is.
But that’s not the point.

And maybe it’s just the feminist in me, but I’m cringing every time I hear it. These gender roles are already being stuck onto this kid. Her value is in her appearance and she’s still bald. I‘ve trying to think back to the comments addressed toward my boy, (that was 3 whole years ago so it’s a little fuzzy) from what I can recall it was stuff like, “look how strong his neck is to hold his head up,” and “wow what a grip” His value was in his strength, obviously a male thing. I know, I’m stuck in semanticland again. I’m a frequent inhabitant. But I really think things we say are always these deep set ideals and perceptions coming to the surface. The English language is so vast, there are just too many ways to say anything. Although what do I know?

She is gorgeous.

Of which I’m glad. Otherwise nobody would have anything to say.

But as she grows up she’ll have to prove she has other merits.