parenting experts

It used to be that an expert was one who had mastered a specific skill or subject. Now it seems, that an expert is defined as one who simply states it, and most importantly, has others believe it. It also helps in solidifying your legitimacy if you go on TV, write an article, or even better a book that no one reads, but everyone quotes. Parenting Expert, Design Expert, Lactation Expert, Etiquette Expert, Lifestyle Expert (Ok really? Lifestyle Expert? What the hell is this?)
Everyone’s an expert.
Not to forget the mothers, fathers, inlaws, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, strangers, coworkers, and of course, the childless, they all seem to know better than the rest of us. I would like to know where they received their degree in Expertology, and how the rest of us got so stupid.

Let me cite an example. About every five years, experts are “revising” their baby sleep rules. Stomach, side, back, co-sleeping, crib sleeping only, bumper pads, no bumper pads, blankets, no blankets, warm room, cool room. It’s enough to make a new parent’s head spin.

I, like so many others, got sucked up into this expert culture. In the early reign of my first born, I listened, watched, and read the advice of any expert spewing information at me. I may not have followed all of it, but I sat and nodded in agreement, went back to whatever terrible parenting habit I had started and couldn’t stop, and felt guilty until the next expert told me it was ok to do whatever it was I was doing to the child. If that expert didn’t present him/herself in a timely manner, I would scour the online parenting sites until I found an expert that said what I was doing was the right thing to be doing… despite what the other experts stated. Why was I doing this? An attempt at legitimacy in my parenting skills? Afraid that someone would find out I’m a terrible parent and take my baby away? Scrutinizing every move I made when all along I should have been scrutinizing these “experts”?

After many stressful, teary days I realized, maybe, this culture of expert advice should be altered into a culture of supportive camaraderie.
So, how do we start this revolution? How about each of us becoming experts on our own lives, and respecting the expert decisions others make in their own lives.
Just for starters.
This is surprisingly liberating.
Do it yourself!
You’ll be shocked at how well your children start sleeping, eating, and generally behaving.

20 RULES FOR PARENTING:
by my own personal parenting expert, me.

1. Everyone is happy when baby sleeps with mom and dad.
2. When baby cries, go pick baby up
3. When baby cries, if busy, finish what I’m doing and then go pick baby up.
4. Soothers are magical plugs that stop the screaming
5. Nipple confusion is a myth
6. Bottle or breast, as long as you are feeding your baby you’ve made the right choice
7. The moment you figure out how to breastfeed is the moment you stop listening to lactation consultants
8. Feeding schedule is when baby is hungry
9. Sleeping schedule is when baby is sleepy.
10. Feeding or sleeping can be done wherever we happen to be at the time the need arises
11. Tantrums can usually be handled with a hug or a tickle, or by throwing one myself.
12. TV is a fabulous teacher/nanny/entertainer
13. Censoring is avoidance
14. Freeplay is much more educational than organized activities
15. Clean is a subjective term
16. Doctors are anatomy experts, not gods.
17. Pregnancy should be kept a secret from everyone until crowning.
18. Cribs are merely displays for stuffed animals
19. 20 diapers and 3 changes of clothing are completely unnecessary for a daytrip
20. The only advice/criticism that should be given to another parents is to stop listening to advice/criticism and do what works for them.

And I, as the parent expert, reserve the right to add to, alter, postcript, and revise any and all rules at my discretion.