sharing

Play Group, the giant socialization experiment, where 50 kids who’ve never shared, and a biased referee for every one of them, are thrown into what is essentially a giant gymnasium filled with hula hoops, and slides, and tunnels, and balls, and books, and puzzles, and babies, and toddlers, and big kids, and mothers, and fathers, and grandparents, and music, and chaos.
My boy loves it.
He spends most of his time dancing and running in circles, caught up in the internal frenzy of what to play with first. This morning he started with a grungy yellow ball, which we tossed back and forth. An older boy came and snatched the ball away when it was fumbled by my guy, which is by the way every time, he’s only 3. The little face contorted, and the eyes welled up, I knew what was coming, so I leaned in with a hug and whispered that he should wait and watch, because, I bet a trillion dollars that that little boy will throw it away any minute. Sure enough, within the minute, the boy tossed it carelessly to the side as he climbed up the slide. My watchful boy went after it, happy again.
Not wanting to lose it again, our game of catch was changed to a rousing game of I’m Just Going to Run Around in Circles Holding the Ball, (not nearly as fun I’m sure but he was happy again).
About 5 minutes later, the older boy came over, yelling and trying to snatch it out of his arms this time. I reluctantly intervened, (I so hate disciplining other peoples kids) and pointed out another ball that no one was playing with. He was not interested.
Thankfully, his mother came over.
But, this is what she said to him:
“I know it was yours, and you had it first but…”
ECK!
I silently retorted “It is NOT yours, and, you did NOT have it first”
(Silently is always the best way to retort.)
So, where’s the lesson for this kid?
You own whatever you touch?
You own anything you touch first, or have perceived to have touched first?
I’m sure his mom had the best intentions in getting her child to share, and maybe I’m the weirdo who just gets caught up in semantics. But I think kids are a lot more perceptive of these nuances than we give them credit for. Maybe it also goes back to my issues with things and just having too much of them. Objects are just things, people, and feelings, and general fairness to others, always trumps the object.
I can’t be sure of the lessons either of us taught our kids in that instance. But I do know that a few minutes later, when the older boy came back and snatched the ball, yet again from my little guys hands, both I and the other mom looked on quietly, while my guy reacted a lot differently. This time a grin spread across his face, and he actually laughed as he started a new game of Chase the Kid Who Took the Ball. The kid was unfortunately not into playing this game, but maybe he should have been. Maybe every kid there should have been,